Not that long ago, weddings looked very different. Traditionally, parents were heavily involved in planning the entire wedding day. They helped build the guest list, chose the venue, coordinated with vendors, planned the timeline and made many of the decisions that shaped the celebration.
Today, that dynamic has completely shifted.
Couples are much more involved—and often entirely in charge—of their own weddings. They’re choosing the venue, hiring every vendor, designing the aesthetic, building the timeline and deciding exactly what they want their day to look and feel like. And I love that. Weddings have become incredibly personal and much more representative of the couple getting married.
But there’s one thing parents often have that couples don’t: experience.
They’ve done this before.
They’ve planned a wedding. They’ve hosted large family events. They understand their side of the family and the relationships and traditions that come with it. They know which relatives need a little extra consideration, which photographs will matter twenty years from now, and sometimes they can anticipate questions you don’t even know you should be asking yet.
As a wedding photographer, I see how valuable that perspective can be.
One of the biggest pieces of advice I can give couples is to involve your parents early in the wedding planning process—not after all the decisions have already been made.
Remember – This is a huge day for them too.
It’s the day they watch their child get married, welcome someone new into their family and, in the most traditional sense, give you away.
Here are a few simple ways to make them part of it.
Have Them Review the Guest List
Before your guest list is finalized, sit down with both sets of parents and ask them to review their side of the family.
Are there relatives who should be included? Family friends who have known you since you were little? People who have played an important role in your parents’ lives and, by extension, yours?
Your parents know their side of the family better than you do. They know the relationships, the history and the people who may not immediately come to mind when you’re building a guest list of 150 people.
Give them an opportunity to tell you who matters to them.
This doesn’t mean giving them unlimited control over your guest count. You can absolutely establish boundaries around numbers and budget. But involving them before invitations go out is much easier than discovering afterward that someone important was accidentally left off.
Ask Them to Review the Family Photo List
As a wedding photographer, this is one I think is especially important.
You may know that you want a photograph with your parents and siblings, but your parents often have a much better understanding of the extended family dynamics.
Ask them to review your family shot list before the wedding.
Maybe your mother desperately wants a photograph of all of her siblings together. Maybe your father wants a photograph with his parents. Perhaps there’s a grandparent, godparent, aunt, uncle or lifelong family friend who is particularly meaningful.
You don’t want to learn about that photograph after the wedding is over.
Ask your parents directly: Are there any photographs that would be really important to you?
Their answers might surprise you.
Review the Wedding Day Start Times Together
Your timeline shouldn’t only consider photography, hair and makeup, transportation and the ceremony. It should also consider the people attending.
If you have elderly grandparents, very young children or family members with mobility considerations, ask your parents whether the timing makes sense.
Can Grandma realistically arrive at that time? Is a late family portrait going to work for the three-year-old flower girl? Does an elderly family member need extra time to get from the ceremony to the reception?
Parents often know these details better than anyone else.
Reviewing the schedule with them early can help you create a day that allows the people you love most to actually be present for the moments that matter.
Ask About Traditions, Songs and Special Moments
There may also be little things your parents have quietly imagined being part of your wedding.
Ask them.
Do they have a special song request for the reception? Is there a family tradition they would love to incorporate? Is there a meaningful photograph they want recreated? Is there something your parents did at their own wedding that would be special to bring into yours?
And talk about the traditional moments too.
If you’re planning a father-daughter dance or mother-son dance, involve your parents in choosing the song. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the most obvious wedding song. Sometimes the most meaningful choice is a song connected to a childhood memory, a family tradition or something you’ve listened to together for years.
These are often the moments that become some of the most emotional parts of the entire wedding.
Give Them Something That’s Theirs
Involving your parents doesn’t mean allowing them to make every decision.
Instead, give them specific areas where their input matters.
Ask them to review the guest list. Give them the family photo list. Ask about important relatives. Let them suggest a few songs. Talk to them about the timeline. Ask whether there is a tradition or moment that would make the day particularly meaningful to them.
You’re still choosing your vendors, your aesthetic and how you want your wedding to feel. You’re simply adding another layer of experience to the planning process.
And sometimes, having someone who has already done this before is exactly what you need to answer a question you didn’t even realize you should be asking.
Remember What This Day Means to Them
In the excitement of planning a wedding, it’s easy to forget that something enormous is happening for your parents too.
They’re watching their son or daughter begin a new chapter.
They’re seeing generations of their family gathered together in one room. They’re standing beside grandparents, siblings, relatives and lifelong friends. They’re watching you walk down the aisle, dancing with you, giving speeches about you and celebrating the person you’ve become.
For you, it’s the day you marry the person you love.
For your parents, it’s also the day they give you away.
So bring them into the process before the wedding day arrives. Ask what matters to them. Ask what photographs they want. Ask who they want there. Ask which traditions they care about.
You don’t have to make every decision together.
But their experience, perspective and connection to your family can be incredibly valuable—and making space for them in the planning can make the day that much more meaningful for everyone.
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